Weasley Wizarding Weekly
by Ninja Slush and Ninja Soda
Summary: All we can say is this is completly original....never seen before. *shock* We only use original ideas....*giggles*....we swear on our discombobulated bublefaced monkey that this is a Slush/Soda original!!!
1. Blow me....what is it with the default c...

*waves to readers* Well look who it is....*nudges Soda*....all of our minions!!! *giggles* They do worship us and would never flame us! *sobs* We want the flames....we're cold....and we sure could use the heat!! *winks at readers* Anywayz....the famous and infamous Weasley twins have approached yours truly....Ninja Slush and Ninja Soda about their family's own advice column thingy. *giggles* They assure us they will respond somewhat quickly and they don't mind answering any questions. So minions....ask away....and please keep it as dirty as possible!!! *snickers* We wouldn't want the children to get the wrong idea - now would we?! These boys....er....MEN are definitely not innocent! *thoughtful look* Unless we're playing a game....like who's the babysitter....um....never mind....that's a whole different story!! Now put your hands together in a clapping motion....(for those of you Mary Sue Zombie's who don't know what clapping is - it's when you're hands connect with each other and pull apart in one quick motion. First slowly then more quickly!!)....for the Weasley family.....

(Ninja girls/N-- Mr. Weasley has spoken to us personally and would like for us to tell you that each issue they write will be from a different Weasley. Or in the case that their to lazy to write it in letter form....it will quickly become a conversation reply involving Slush and Soda.)

(Ninja girls/N-- Fred and George will combine their replies together. At the end of each issue the name of the next Weasley to reply will be stated....please make sure you address you're questions accordingly.)

First up is....Ginny Weasley....ask away....


	2. Ginny answer's the questions....even tha...

Weasley Wizarding Weekly

Issue 1, Vol. 1

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Ginny here to answer the first three questions....well....actually two....one's from Soda....calling me a little whore. All I have to say to her is evil bitch!!! *glares* Now let's get to the first set of replies shall we? 

*~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Dear Ginny,  
Is it true that you did 'something' with Potter in the Prefect's Bathroom the other night? ^^ You bad, bad girl!  
-FF Queen  
(PS: I bet you did! :P)

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Dear FF Queen,

What do you mean by 'something'?! If you're talking about hard-core anal sex....*eeep*....no I was not. I'm an innocent virgin who wishes to remain so until that one perfect man comes along. With the perfect sized....bank account. What I was really doing in the prefect's bathroom should remain a secret but I'm sure that that evil bitch Soda needs food and water. Always remember that duct-tape and toilets go hand - in - hand. 

Love, Ginny

(P.S: I didn't! I already told you that....although that's a good idea. Harry does have an enormous....bank account.)

*~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Hey Ginny,  
Is it true that you were getting hot and heavy with Draco in the 3rd floor closet, or was that Hermione? ::grins evilly:: If so, how is Draco in bed? I heard he was like an animal... If he is, can you hook me up with him? If he says no, then he is missing out on a good shag. Thanks!  
P.S. Are George or Fred free if Draco isn't?

-Aquacutie18

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Dear Aquacutie,

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No it isn't true that I was getting "hot and heavy" with Malfoy in the 3rd floor closet. And it wasn't Hermione because she was with me studying in the library. Besides, although Malfoy has a gigantic....bank account, he's not my type....he's more like a pesky rodent to me. As for how Malfoy is in bed....oh the horror!!! I wouldn't know but you might try Soda for she is not only an evil bitch but also a first class whore. Animal in bed?! Are you purposely trying to scar me for life?! I can try to hook you up with him but it's a well-known fact that he prefers donkey's contrary to popular belief. Therefore I guess he is an animal in bed....or he has an animal in bed....either way there's an animal in his bed. Now I'm thankful that you decided to take time out of you're obviously busy schedule but please keep you're personal belief on you're shagging abilities to yourself. We at the Weekly don't care to get a glimpse into you're life. We have far better one's to live. 

~Ginny

(P.S: No George and Fred are not free....they spend most of their time with Slush. It's actually a chore to tear them away from her. Sorry.)

*~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Who gets to write Ginny? Huh, well who? Huh? Huh? Tell me damn you! Heheheheh! Yay...Ginny little whore, non? I am hyper...my band is the shit! Anyways...hehehehe, even though I read before posted, is funnier now when even more hyper! haha...smarties are fun... but bad at the same time...*giggles*

-canihavea-soda

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Dearest evil bitch Soda,

What the fuck do you mean who gets to write Ginny? I get to write Ginny....seeing as I am Ginny! Me....you dumb fuck! Huh what? I did tell you....evil bitch! I'm not a whore....but you definitely are! How could you have read it before it was posted you lazy ass hoochie? It wasn't posted then....slimy git!! I do however agree that smarties are fun and bad at the same time. I don't giggle like a fool though when I eat them. Please refrain from littering in our review box if you have nothing clever to say. Dirty whore evil bitch!!!!

Forever better then you!*sticks out tongue*

~Ginny Weasley

*~~~~~~~~~~~~*

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Well....that was somewhat fun....although....personally I can't wait to see Percy answer the next set of questions. He get's all flustered and nervous. He seems to have something against incestuous acts....anywayz....I have to go....Draco's waiting in the 4th floor closet. Had to change our meeting place....seems we got ourselves some peeping Aquacutie's. Next up is none other then the constipated Percy Weasley. Try and make the questions original....that way we can see him sweat about them....


	3. Percy gets flustered...and...slanderous ...

Disclaimer: JK ROWLING'S! But, I am my own…and slush is her own…the other people, I'm not sure about…hmm.  
  
*****  
  
EEP! This is Percy, and I'm only here because of Slush's cute butt…did I say that out loud? Oh well, what the hell, I will just have to answer, and then maybe they'll let me go. I hope they aren't too personal, or rude…  
  
(AN: Man, is he gonna be pissed. Oh well, only about a billion of the questions I actually submitted myself…Percy is so hot…as are the twins…and Bill…and Charlie…Not forgetting Ron. Oops, gushing, time for Q/A session…Poor Percy.)  
  
*****  
  
Dear Percy,  
  
Are you free for a quick shag on Saturday afternoon? Oh, and two other things... First: Have you seen the fics you're in? You're being written as the Perfect Prefect Slut. Does that give you apoplexy, or what? And second - may I try on your glasses? I want to see if your prescription is stronger than mine. ~Charon~  
  
~Dear Charon,  
  
What a silly question, of course not. I'm dating Penny, and nothing will change that…wait…do you look anything like a Veela? I could make an exception, but the answer would still most likely be no. I'm FAR too busy with work.  
  
Perfect Prefect Slut?! That is absolutely sickening! I am so glad I have not seen these 'fics', even though I am answering these letters for something similar. And, to the glasses question, no you may not. They're magical and if anyone other than their owner wears them, they will go blind…I must try that out on the twins…or Soda/Slush…  
  
Thank you for writing to me, even though your questions were impertinent, disgusting and so immature they made me smile internally. I hope you manage to grow up before you take any important muggle examinations, and you should really stick to your own glasses.~  
  
*****  
  
Dear Percy,  
  
Is fact or fiction that you and Fudge are dating. Cuz WTF?!?! And exactly how do you feel about incestuous acts? Hmmmm? Do they make you all warm and fuzzy inside? Or is that just one of you're brothers? Wait scratch that.... I can't see any of the Weasley family being into incest.... after all you are the main characters in the books.... they should be named after you're family.... or at least after Fred, George, and Charlie. Anywayz, um.... do you have special uses for your wand? Do you know exactly what the powers of the lightsaver is? And why does Luke never put it down? Is it cuz it has sexual powers? Are you a virgin like you're sister? It doesn't count if you're shagging your family.... ~Slush puppy~  
  
~Dear Slush puppy,  
  
You're one of the evil people keeping me and my family here aren't you? Couldn't you at least provide better accommodation, where I didn't have to share beds with Charlie and Bill. No, Fudge and I are not dating! That is disgusting! I don't care if you're the author, I won't answer your questions. Good day to you!  
  
Percy definitely prefers Bill. They go well together, and they are sharing beds after all! This is Fred by the way. How mean not to finish the mail, so I thought I'd fill it in for you Slush. Lightsaver is some kind of weapon in the muggle film…Star shores or summat. Sexual powers…well, if it does, Percy needs it desperately. Who is this Luke guy? Maybe we could link him and Percy up with their own Lightsaver…hmm. Interesting idea…Anyway, bye miss Slush with the cute butt!~  
  
*****  
  
Percy...what is your opinion on pretty pink underwear. Good/bad/turn on/turn off?  
  
Would you f*** Lucius Malfoy to get a better position at the ministry...hell, would you just f***? You prissy git.  
  
We know you like incest...but who's the favourite sibling to commit it with? Huh, well, who? You can't say Fred or George, cos we already know they're great F***s (slush knows that well!)  
  
And lastly...do you have a snazzy belly button like me and slush? Is it an inny or outy belly button? Mines an inny...and is now all strawberry like cos I just had a shower with strawberry bubble stuff! It was fun...but my skin is all pink cos it has dye in it...oh well. Will be interesting to walk around with pink skin and my newly acquired blue hair...who knew that would happen when I put the blue hair dye in my hair? ~Canihavea-soda~  
  
~Dear Canihavea-soda,  
  
You're the other one keeping me here. Pink underwear…on whom? Penelope, turn on, Bill, turn on, Lucius Malfoy, good, anyone else, except maybe Hermione, bad and turnoff. Well, these aren't as rude as some I've had…f***?! You think I haven't? Penelope and I have been together for long enough…and the Prefect's dorm are very private. Sorry to quash your little power trip, but you're a virgin, and I'm not!  
  
As I already stated, I will not answer questions like that, about THAT!  
  
And, belly buttons…right. Well, OK, weird question, but at least not rude. I have an inny one…outy ones are gross…and it smells like peppermint, or so Penny tells me. Pink skin and blue hair! I can laugh at you…blue hair! Hahahah! The tables have turned…shit…noooooo! You are so dead you evil authors!~  
  
(AN: He should have learnt not to annoy us by now. I made his hair rainbow…will keep it like that until he apologises…hope will not be long. Those fiery locks are so luscious…swoon, swoon).  
  
*****  
  
Dear Percy,  
  
Can you hook me up with Bill? Me and my friend (also female) are considering a little fun with your older brother and some chocolate sauce, some silk scarves, whipped cream, cherries, booze, those hot little leather outfits... and other stuff. Thanks, and if you're really nice we might even send you pictures of the event. ~Starbrat~  
  
~Dear Starbrat,  
  
Excuse me? But this part of the letter writing is about me, not my brother and hooking people up. I'm not a bloody agony aunt…like that muggle woman…Cilla Black. How could you even want to go out with Bill, he's not that great…not with girls anyway. Girls turn him off…unless they're attached to something he really wants…then the charm turns on…ahem. I really don't want to know about your fantasies.~  
  
(AN: What kind of chocolate? He likes white…and he likes red leather…good luck. Percy is so far back in the closet, it's amazing he can see to write this!)  
  
*****  
  
Percy how many times have u shagged Penelope (yes it is part of my business because I can hear u every time I go to the.... bathroom *hides Oliver*)  
  
and is it true that u shagged Mr. Crouch with Penelope in the secret room behind the library's biggest bookshelf? ~Gothicelfchild~  
  
~Dear Gothicelfchild,  
  
Look, what is it with you people and my sex life? Do you have none of your own of which to speak, or are you just sad losers who find it erotic to hear about my sexual experiences? In answer, none of your goddamn business! Let's just say enough, OK? And Mr. Crouch, eww that is almost as bad as you insinuating someone sleeping with a house elf! Will you please just go out and get yourselves some kind of lives, instead of asking about mine.~  
  
*****  
  
HOLY crap! I think we may have pissed Percy off. Well, the next one is going to be Ron, because he refuses to be last again. So, get your questions for him in, and if there are any questions for other characters which you would like to ask, just Review and we'll try and get them to answer you. And if there are any more for Ginny and Percy, we'll see if we can just fit them in somewhere at the beginning/end of another chapter. Bye, and R+R!  
  
Yay, Henry's house for a week. Will try to get to a computer when there, but can't promise anything. See ya when I get back peeps, and have fun with Fred and George, won't you Slush? Play nicely now children. BYE!!  
  
PS: Squee, I have a boyfriend, la la la la la la la!! 


	4. Why title this?! I, Ron Weasley am least...

Weasley Wizarding Weekly

Issue 1, Vol. 3

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Oy!! I was looking forward to this but it seems that everyone likes my family members better then me. Even Percy....*gags*....got questions. I only got one! And it doesn't even count cuz it was from Soda and Slush's freind Starbrat! But I'll answer it cuz she's the only person who loves me. *sobs*

*~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Okay, red leather, check. White chocolate? I like black! Oh well, I suppose we can have both.   


Dear Ron,

Hmm... Argh, can't think of anything dirty at the moment (too young for my tastes) So hi, how you doing, and since Percy's being a prick about it - will YOU tell Bill to come over?

-Starbrat

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Dear Starbrat,

Too young for your tastes? What's too young....and besides age aint nothing but a number....at least that's what Dumbledore says. Uh....hi! I'm doing great....a little sore but that'll go away soon enough. I guess I can tell Bill to come over but he'll want to know what you'll be doing. Does it involve a metal pipe and peanut butter? If it does....I think he'll come over then. I hope you have fun and remember to shower afterwards....peanut butter is sticky....yummy....but sticky. Oy! Good luch with the red leather and white chocolate. Kinky!

~Ron

*~~~~~~~~~~~~*

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As much as I'd just love to say that was amazingly fun....I can't! It was boring....only one question! ONE!!!! Come on people....ask more questions then that....my mother will be a tad angry if she only gets one question. She's up next so get in your questions....


End file.
